It's Mother's Day. Yaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!
On this Mother's Day I would like to thank my mother...for ruining my relationships with any women that I will ever come into contact with in my natural life. It is because of you that I walk into any relationship with the opposite sex automatically not trusting them. I want to trust you, ladies, but that's easier said than done.
I also seldom take the words "I love you" seriously (Thanks to mommy dearest). How honest are you really being when you say that shit to me. Oh, and mom, it's because of you that I feel nice guys will always finish last, he who bends over backwards to make his woman happy is doomed to failure and desertion. Nice guys get taken advantage of and left. This forces us to act accordingly. Thank you, mom for teaching me this lesson.
I never shed tears for anyone, and I haven't in a long time. Thanks, mom for showing me that tears are worthless, they only expose your vulnerability. Back during those days when I cried for you to come back home and talk to me about whats going on and fucking be with your son...you didn't. You were able to listen on the other end of that phone line and listen to your youngest son cry and not respond how a real mother should.
Thank you, mom for ruining my family. Thank you, mom for aiding in the development of my now jaded, semi-cynical, and sometimes bitter, cold, and "heartless" personality. Thanks. You are truly a pillar of modern maternity....