Friday, July 31, 2009
For those of you that do not know, I'm working on a mixtape titled "Saz.E Presents...The Little Black Boxx". It's hosted by DJ FreeEz. I'm hoping to start work on it once I get back to Jersey. And ACTUALLY finish it. I'll hit up Hogwartz and hopefully do my thing. Right now I'm sitting on a 17 track tape. I got J-Skillz on there, Lil' Z, Yung Na, Crisis, FreeEz may drop a verse, Chaz Phenom is on there. And....that's where we are right now in terms of features. Part of me wants to throw some kind of girl on there, but I don't know in what capacity. Lol.
Anyway, I got a good selection of beats on it. I broke it down into chapters. The first chapter is me just getting my rapping on, demonstrating where the skills is at. Chapter two has me talking about women/relationships/and socializing. This is the more conceptual portion of the "boxx". Chapter three is short, just me flowing over some old school beats (got a song about Franklin on there. =]) And the last chapter is me offering more introspective thoughts, and deeper thoughts on whatever else. It appears to be the deeper sect of the "boxx"
I'm still thinking whether or not to throw some of my more known joints on there (Brunette Devil and Mad Man's Dream). Ain't sure. But...yea, look out for it, hopefull I pull through. I'll keep ya'll posted on whatever. IIght. Bye-bye
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Cut, dry and simple: Not everybody cares about it like I do. Especially my music.I guess I always had some kind of warped notion that most people close to me harbored a certain level of care and concern for my craft, but I'm wrong, you know? I have this annoying little habit of calling people up and saying "I got new raps, want to hear them?" As if they REALLY give a fuck. They say "yea" or whatever, I rap, they say something along the lines of "good one" or "nice" things of that nature but I'm slowly learning...it's likely that more often than not they probably don't care.
So why the fuck do I call? Like, I'm being somewhat selfish to waist these people's time, right? I guess it gives me opportunity to practice and slowly memorize the verses. But maybe my ego makes me call as well. Maybe subconsciously I'm calling because I want to hear something along the lines of "wow, that was amazing" or "you ARE the next big thing". That'd be egotistic though, so I can't be aware of that. But we can address my alleged ego in a different session.
So bottom line, I'm only going to call and rap to some folks because really.....most niggas don't give a fuck about anything I do rap wise, nothing will matter until I'm on and shit, I guess. For obvious reasons. THIS IS NOT A SHOT AT ANYONE!! I'm just speaking my peace. It ain't ya'll fault, it's mine, I had the wrong idea is all. Peace!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Today I was bummed out on some shit. I had to take a nap and everything. Sucks when you're down and you feel like there's no immediate thing you can do to revert it. Y'all might think of me as a big baby and shit but...my music got me down today. I was slouched in my chair looking at the door like... "am I EVER going to blow?" I start thinking about the little shit, like...choruses, hooks, and vocal presentation. It drives me mad! Then I start thinking about what beats I like. Do I even know? and if so will other's like 'em? Should I even care about what other's think? Logically I should, since they would be the one's buying my shit. But then you don't want to cross that fine line between versatiliy and conformity, between being well rounded and sacrificing artistic integrity.
I wrestled with these thoughts for a good half hour, and then eventually it exhausted me to the point where I said "fuck it, I'ma go lie down". I was lieing there looking at the cieling and just slipping deeper and deeper into "madness" due to my thoughts and thoughts of my thoughts. I felt heavy till eventually...I fell asleep. I woke up still bummed out till I ate something.
Came back to the room like.."Fuck what I was thinking earlier, let me not worry about all that right now, let me just concentrate on trying my best, I'm alright" I felt good and shit, but occasionally...them feelings come up.
Don't sue me for having musical insecurities.
Friday, July 17, 2009
My girlfriend thinks I'm a lunatic. She thinks I have multiple personalities. I think she's right, actually. Lol. It's like I have multiple characters sharing a home in my one brain and they sometimes make their appearance in a tourettes-like fashion.
For starters!: there's the overtly ignorant thug, there's the really flamboyantly gay guy, there's the adolescent teenage girl and there's the silently aggressive psychopath, just to name a few, and supplemented Joker impersonations follow suit.
So, I ask myself if I have control over this. I'm often asked to stop but it seems like I can't. It scares me a little bit, now that I think about it...
Am I ok? Oh well! Being a weird ass, multi-personalitied person is what makes me me. =] Irony.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
How can one judge a so-called "good" or "strong" relationship. Some people base it purely off of the numbers. That doesn't necessarily prove anything. Two people can stay together
despite hating each other. Correct? I think it's a combination. That couple that argues one minute but gets right back to boo loving? They shows relationship strength. Me and my girl fight from time to time, often over dumb shit, but within a few hours things are all good again. I love this. It gives me a certain feeling of confidence in us. We been going at it for about 9 months now and...it still seems like things are mad fresh. There are never any stale moments between us.
On some real shit, it seems too...fanciful to be happening. It's because of this apparent bliss I can say our relationship is a good one. And because of our "fight-makeup" capabilities I dub us a strong couple as well. So what more could you ask for? I'm not writing this to be all mushy or some shit, I'm just throwing out some real thoughts. I feel like she holds me
down. (Positive thing. Lol.)
My relationships that have been "successful" to some degree all had one common thread. I felt as if I had a real home base within the girl, I could go to bed sure that my significant other was out there in her crib harboring deep love for me. With Miss J. I get that and then some.
She often questions if I'm in love with her. It's understandable, I guess, because it's a term so loosely thrown around now a days. My thing is this, the feeling of "being in love" is exactly what it is, a feeling. I can't describe it to you, baby. I just feel it. If I'm not believed it's cool, I guess.
Iight, I'ma leave it riiiiiiight...there. =]
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Sometimes I kick back and listen to instrumentals and start spittin some shit to 'em. Then I take a break from being Saz.E rapping Saz.E's lyrics, and re-become Osa listening to Saz.E's lyrics. I think I'm a talented guy or whatever when it comes to that whole..."I write and perform lyrics" shit, I'm pretty damn good. So..then I start thinking again, how exactly can I let the world in on my abilities? How can I make something of all this, all these lyrics, all these schemes?
The thing is...I don't even know. It seems that there's no sure fire method of becoming "poppin'". You know? There's no formula to follow. I look around and see all these young guys doing there thing, Drake and the XXL class of '09 and shit and I want that. I want the covers, the features on people's songs, the google results, the legions of fans. I want that status. I want to transcend just rap shit, I want multiple genre lovers to love me.
Let me get the grammys, let me get the number one sales opening week, let me get all that and more. But most importantly...I want to keep my integrity over the course of gaining all that. So...let Saz.E pop. I started working out a master plan with my good friend, and...I want to actually write it down and shit. So umm....I've got some years before I die. I shall try my best. Pray for me.