Some Pics From The Photo Shoot With A-Photos

The Season Finale

I've always chose to think of my life as a sitcom. I find that it passes the days easier, and in a more entertaining manner. If one looks at the basic framework of a sitcom, you of course have characters, they are essential. Now...if one follows television, you'll notice sometimes characters don't return for the next season. Whether or not they're killed off, or they just so happen to move to Seattle or something like that, they are no longer part of that main characters life or the show period. They'll get their own spin off somewhere. Lol. But since I look at my life in this manner, I have to understand that some characters feel the need to leave my show. They have bigger and better things they want to pursue. Perhaps they want to move to films, or a more promising network. Who am I, as the creator, director, and producer as well, to stop them from doing what they feel is "better"? Not my place at all.

You can lay the facts out on the table, clearly in the contract, but if they don't want to sign for season 5 then you have to respect their decisions. Will it hurt the show's ratings? Only time will tell. Will the other cast and crew members recover well? Only time will tell. As the show's creator, I can only wish them and myself good luck and good night.

I cannot see the future. Sometimes shows have reunion specials...

Self-Made Microscope (Imperfections) - Saz.E

New Shit from Saz.E!! The track discusses insecurities and self-consciousness. Check it out. Recorded it at Phenom's stu'. Good shit, but yea, comment this post with your opinions. Feel free to download.

http://www.zshare.net/audio/7200637799d046d4/

Your Heart's Not In It Vs. Necessary Pain

I'm constantly confused with everything. There are times where I don't want to do certain things but I think to myself "should I even bother doing it?" I'm not referring to things such as whether or not I should do math homework or shit of that nature, I know the obvious fruits of that, but more so music. I have moments where I really don't feel like writing, or recording, or even thinking about music period. So should I just say fuck it? I'm always told never do something if you're heart's not it in.
But in theory, if one's heart is in it would they ever NOT have a desire to do the particular craft? This is where I am confused, people. Should Saz give up? But when I even flirt with the idea, I say "hell no" or "I need this music shit". So why would I be in modes where I don't want to fuck with the pen or pad? Should I just push through that shit to keep my skills sharp?

hAhA, A lot of questions, eh? But anyway, with all that said, I try to look at the diamond in terms of how I live my life. The diamond is one of the most beautiful gems on earth. The rocks in your earring, bracelet, necklace, etc, must be refined before they are top notch. They have to be sliced, diced, cut, roughly polished and everything before they are at they're best. Perhaps the same can be said for people.

Maybe niggas have to put themselves through them hard times to get better at what they do. Music is hard at times, I'm often sick of this shit, often thinking I'm not good enough to get on and all. Think about it, some niggas get on, but not ON like I plan to. Despite those thoughts, writers block, spouts of no-ambition, and so on and so forth. I'll keep it at it. Pray for me.

Batteling My Own Ego

Alright, many people have an ugly little thing called an ego, pride and such. Now...take that a step further, when you have a talent for something your ego gets elevated; you end up having spouts of cockiness, maybe not intentional but it happens. Now my thing is this, I've always tried to be humble as can be...but these past couple of days have had me really talking my shit. Lol. Not so much to other people, but to myself...if that makes sense. I'll write some shit that I'm thinking is hot and I'll pop up and proclaim it to my air space. I guess it's like a quiet cockiness.
But..many a time I've caught myself almost saying it aloud to people! That contradicts what I aim for. So why am I suddenly feeling this need to say I'm good? Even writing this I feel arrogant, but I'm not though, or am I? Nah, I can't be. And in the event I was cocky how would I deflate that? Is that possible? Or would I just have to mask it? So many questions...so many ambiguous answers.

College Anxiety

I'm seldom ever the one to give off the vibe of stress, concern or insecurity but I can't lie to ya'll or myself; this college shit has me a little nervous. For one I've been slacking my ass off in terms of filling out apps, getting letters of recommendations and doing the damn essays. That's one issue, on top of that I'm a little apprehensive towards my chances of getting into the schools on my list.
For Christ's sake, they're ALL TOP SCHOOLS
I mean...I have some good stuff that backs and beefs up my Apps but there's still that feeling of "maybe I'm not good enough" I've beaten tough odds before but this is a whole nother beast, you feel me? I'm usually a confident chap but this shit got ME doubting MYSELF. I'm use to others doubtin' me, this is new. Hell, I almost forgot about this second shot at the SATs on the 7th of Nov. I guess all I can do is hit that submit button and hope for the best...

1st Day of School

I'm feeling like it's going to be another school year full of emotional ups and downs. Much like my relation to romance, school provides a bit of an emotional roller coaster (for lack of a less cliche term). It seems like environment and the people your surrounded by plunges you into several different modes of thought and emotional manifestation. Or is it just me? Even while composing this I'm feeling like I can't justly express what I'm truly feeling. I'm usually good with words but when it comes to this...I'm having some trouble.

Whatever, first day of school done. Day 2, where you at?