College Anxiety

I'm seldom ever the one to give off the vibe of stress, concern or insecurity but I can't lie to ya'll or myself; this college shit has me a little nervous. For one I've been slacking my ass off in terms of filling out apps, getting letters of recommendations and doing the damn essays. That's one issue, on top of that I'm a little apprehensive towards my chances of getting into the schools on my list.
For Christ's sake, they're ALL TOP SCHOOLS
I mean...I have some good stuff that backs and beefs up my Apps but there's still that feeling of "maybe I'm not good enough" I've beaten tough odds before but this is a whole nother beast, you feel me? I'm usually a confident chap but this shit got ME doubting MYSELF. I'm use to others doubtin' me, this is new. Hell, I almost forgot about this second shot at the SATs on the 7th of Nov. I guess all I can do is hit that submit button and hope for the best...

1st Day of School

I'm feeling like it's going to be another school year full of emotional ups and downs. Much like my relation to romance, school provides a bit of an emotional roller coaster (for lack of a less cliche term). It seems like environment and the people your surrounded by plunges you into several different modes of thought and emotional manifestation. Or is it just me? Even while composing this I'm feeling like I can't justly express what I'm truly feeling. I'm usually good with words but when it comes to this...I'm having some trouble.

Whatever, first day of school done. Day 2, where you at?

The Little Black Boxx Update

Mannn....things are really moving on this tape. So far I've got like 9 or so tracks that I am legit happy with. It can be stressful at times but I'm looking forward to the tape coming. In addition to my work on that, I'm doing some tracks with my guys and shit. Some shit for Yung Ty, dropped a freestyle with S.G Yung and Ty. Just enjoying the studio.

"Saz.E Presents...The Little Black Boxx"

For those of you that do not know, I'm working on a mixtape titled "Saz.E Presents...The Little Black Boxx". It's hosted by DJ FreeEz. I'm hoping to start work on it once I get back to Jersey. And ACTUALLY finish it. I'll hit up Hogwartz and hopefully do my thing. Right now I'm sitting on a 17 track tape. I got J-Skillz on there, Lil' Z, Yung Na, Crisis, FreeEz may drop a verse, Chaz Phenom is on there. And....that's where we are right now in terms of features. Part of me wants to throw some kind of girl on there, but I don't know in what capacity. Lol.
Anyway, I got a good selection of beats on it. I broke it down into chapters. The first chapter is me just getting my rapping on, demonstrating where the skills is at. Chapter two has me talking about women/relationships/and socializing. This is the more conceptual portion of the "boxx". Chapter three is short, just me flowing over some old school beats (got a song about Franklin on there. =]) And the last chapter is me offering more introspective thoughts, and deeper thoughts on whatever else. It appears to be the deeper sect of the "boxx"
I'm still thinking whether or not to throw some of my more known joints on there (Brunette Devil and Mad Man's Dream). Ain't sure. But...yea, look out for it, hopefull I pull through. I'll keep ya'll posted on whatever. IIght. Bye-bye

~Saz~~~

Music.

Cut, dry and simple: Not everybody cares about it like I do. Especially my music.

I guess I always had some kind of warped notion that most people close to me harbored a certain level of care and concern for my craft, but I'm wrong, you know? I have this annoying little habit of calling people up and saying "I got new raps, want to hear them?" As if they REALLY give a fuck. They say "yea" or whatever, I rap, they say something along the lines of "good one" or "nice" things of that nature but I'm slowly learning...it's likely that more often than not they probably don't care.
So why the fuck do I call? Like, I'm being somewhat selfish to waist these people's time, right? I guess it gives me opportunity to practice and slowly memorize the verses. But maybe my ego makes me call as well. Maybe subconsciously I'm calling because I want to hear something along the lines of "wow, that was amazing" or "you ARE the next big thing". That'd be egotistic though, so I can't be aware of that. But we can address my alleged ego in a different session.
So bottom line, I'm only going to call and rap to some folks because really.....most niggas don't give a fuck about anything I do rap wise, nothing will matter until I'm on and shit, I guess. For obvious reasons. THIS IS NOT A SHOT AT ANYONE!! I'm just speaking my peace. It ain't ya'll fault, it's mine, I had the wrong idea is all. Peace!

Performance at Sander's Theatre

Musical Depression

Today I was bummed out on some shit. I had to take a nap and everything. Sucks when you're down and you feel like there's no immediate thing you can do to revert it. Y'all might think of me as a big baby and shit but...my music got me down today. I was slouched in my chair looking at the door like... "am I EVER going to blow?" I start thinking about the little shit, like...choruses, hooks, and vocal presentation. It drives me mad! Then I start thinking about what beats I like. Do I even know? and if so will other's like 'em? Should I even care about what other's think? Logically I should, since they would be the one's buying my shit. But then you don't want to cross that fine line between versatiliy and conformity, between being well rounded and sacrificing artistic integrity.

I wrestled with these thoughts for a good half hour, and then eventually it exhausted me to the point where I said "fuck it, I'ma go lie down". I was lieing there looking at the cieling and just slipping deeper and deeper into "madness" due to my thoughts and thoughts of my thoughts. I felt heavy till eventually...I fell asleep. I woke up still bummed out till I ate something.

Came back to the room like.."Fuck what I was thinking earlier, let me not worry about all that right now, let me just concentrate on trying my best, I'm alright" I felt good and shit, but occasionally...them feelings come up.

Don't sue me for having musical insecurities.